Things bigger than us move slowly and noticeably while small things can be gone in the blink of an eye.
P.S. I missed writing on this blog. I feel like I'm in a different environment when I'm writing here. I've written different things here.
P.S.S. I'm into photography now. I like it.
P.S.S.S. Perhaps this is my personal journal to the world. - Now I'm going to go wander on the internet. Or am I wondering while I'm on it? I am a wonderer.
Showing posts with label It's personal PUNK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label It's personal PUNK. Show all posts
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Saturday, May 02, 2009
If A.I. Believed The Purpose of Life was To Live
If the purpose of life for me is to live, then so is the purpose of life for all others. This is because the highest purpose of life must be attainable to all things in that state, penetrating individuality, or encompassing it rather, with unity. So shared- is our purpose to live. Our purpose is then equal.
My purpose is to be as I am and as I will be. That includes all things proceeding from being, such as actions which may or may not affect other things. I, in accordance with my limitations will be as good as I can be.
While I may not set all of my limitations- With ignorance, fear, or laziness, I allow many of my limitations to be set.
This may be one of the last posts on this particular blog. I may be joining this blog (chexed.blogspot.com) with my main blog (http://chexed.com/). I'm doing this in part because the topics and especially tones are often related or similar and I feel my readers from both blogs may stand to benefit from discussion with each other. I'll keep you posted.
My purpose is to be as I am and as I will be. That includes all things proceeding from being, such as actions which may or may not affect other things. I, in accordance with my limitations will be as good as I can be.
While I may not set all of my limitations- With ignorance, fear, or laziness, I allow many of my limitations to be set.
This may be one of the last posts on this particular blog. I may be joining this blog (chexed.blogspot.com) with my main blog (http://chexed.com/). I'm doing this in part because the topics and especially tones are often related or similar and I feel my readers from both blogs may stand to benefit from discussion with each other. I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Did Somone Crap Themselves?
Let's face it. Most of us have squeezed a little more out than gas by accident before.
A few days ago at work, I saw someone run by to the bathroom and just then- I smelled crap. I thought they crapped themselves. I felt bad for them. - I pooped a little bit in a store one time, thinking it was gas, but it was diarrhea.
Not until I got home did I realize I had dog crap on my shoe! On the only tiny patch of grass between my house and my work (about 35 mi.), I scooped up- Yes, scooped up poop on TOP of my shoe! Damnit! My dress shoes too! LOL I wear a tie at work often now.
That tiny patch of grass is between my house and my car, it's about 4 ft wide. I managed to land my foot underneath a wet, squishy, and disgusting pile of warmth.
A few days ago at work, I saw someone run by to the bathroom and just then- I smelled crap. I thought they crapped themselves. I felt bad for them. - I pooped a little bit in a store one time, thinking it was gas, but it was diarrhea.
Not until I got home did I realize I had dog crap on my shoe! On the only tiny patch of grass between my house and my work (about 35 mi.), I scooped up- Yes, scooped up poop on TOP of my shoe! Damnit! My dress shoes too! LOL I wear a tie at work often now.
That tiny patch of grass is between my house and my car, it's about 4 ft wide. I managed to land my foot underneath a wet, squishy, and disgusting pile of warmth.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Struggling with Trichotillomania
Well, after quite a few months of a newly acquired habit (started before I cold-turkey quit smoking), I've started to get thinning hair in the spot I pick. It does happen to be in the back of my head, right where the hair twirls outwards from the start.
Jesus, it's been hard putting it aside... Especially since it doesn't really hurt and kind of feels good. I've felt like my scalp was itching since I was about 15/16. I forced myself to stop picking after a short few months of doing it when I was younger, after trying dandruff shampoos and they did nothing. I didn't know why I was doing it, just that I was pulling out hair in the process.
I've come to the conclusion (as perhaps I did the first time, if my memory was perfect) that this is a self-perpetuating habit. I may scratch my head once out of curiosity, or because some outside source has made it itch. From there the perpetuation follows: Slightly scratching stimulates skin which feels good, the skin is damaged so it needs to regrow, the process of healing and regrowing creates more itching, it's scratched more, it re-heals causing itching, then is scratched again, eventually the skin hardens and it takes harder scratching for the same amount of stimulation, so it's scratched harder, eventually to the point where hairs cannot stand the scratching.
I keep finding/making up reasons on the fly for why I should allow myself to scratch. Sometimes it's because "maybe it will be different this time?" I'm actually pulling out hair follicles that for some reason, perhaps because their roots remind me of pimples seem to be bad, and thus GOOD to be pulled out. I'm probably wrong with my conception that those little knobs on the end of hairs are bad for any reason... I shouldn't rule out the environmental factor, possibilities in food consumption or natural surroundings not agreeing with my particular body makeup- or hair follicle make-up to be more precise.
The one thing which is most hard, but most necessary to not even consider stopping my trichotillomania is public opinion. I shouldn't let what others think of my "looks" determine how I look.
I've begun pulling hair out in other places as a test. While I've developed those places to a point where the hair is easier to pull out, it still hurts and at its best never feels good - it doesn't even itch. So perhaps the re-healing/perpetuation theory is out... It's still slightly up in the air.
I know I don't have lice, unfortunately I wasn't lucky enough for it to be something so easily identifiable as this. I've been scratching my head on and off for years and have even shaved my hair within less than a quarter inch to my scalp. There's no flakyness, so I'm not even sure if it's dandruff. Even when shaved though, my scalp still itches. It feels so good to scratch it and that usually ends up being my final justification to allow myself to do it... It's like scratching a mosquito bite... Something which I've prided myself on having self-control over by not scratching... I've prided myself on self-control a lot. Perhaps this is my punishment... Perhaps since I believe I should be punished this is a psychologically self fulfilling prophecy. That would suck. There's so many things it could be. I know what I really need to do (but for what reason?) is to just stop scratching. All of the other mumbo jumbo doesn't matter... But what is my motivation!
It's possible that UV rays may be causing the itching, at least that's one of the things I assumed from this article. I used to have psoriasis when I was younger, but I stopped giving it attention and tried willing it away. I'm not sure if that's why it's gone, but it's gone now. Modern science would suggest that's crazy, but modern science doesn't integrate will power into their calculations far too often. Will power is often an absolute deciding factor in some situations. I'm just curious what will happen if I continue to scratch my head? Will the ultimate lesson be that I should have stopped myself when I thought it might be the right thing to do earlier? Or will the ultimate lesson be I've evolved past the necessity of hair? Hahaha. Who the hell knows? I'm pulling my hair out over this question! :D lol, that's right... laugh... it's not that serious anyways. well, at least not for me since i seek spiritual peace and know that my body will never be as i want it, unless i want it as it is.
I've also thought that perhaps slight scratching of the head, so long as it's greatly controlled and moderated may be good for my hair, since it may stimulate growth.
Who knew I could go on so long about hair? I'm surprising myself right now.
Since global temperature has been rising, and evolutionarily speaking, the hair of my race (white) has been formed to keep warm, the hair is becoming less necessary, perhaps even obtrusive, potentially causing overheating and the scratching of the head is induced by an adaption to environmental changes.
Perhaps I am getting too little or too much UV exposure? Perhaps I need more direct exposure or less? Hahaha. So many things it could be and it could be more than one or even none! Should I shun this for lack of fun? I think I should stop pulling my hair and without pun this matter is done!
Jesus, it's been hard putting it aside... Especially since it doesn't really hurt and kind of feels good. I've felt like my scalp was itching since I was about 15/16. I forced myself to stop picking after a short few months of doing it when I was younger, after trying dandruff shampoos and they did nothing. I didn't know why I was doing it, just that I was pulling out hair in the process.
I've come to the conclusion (as perhaps I did the first time, if my memory was perfect) that this is a self-perpetuating habit. I may scratch my head once out of curiosity, or because some outside source has made it itch. From there the perpetuation follows: Slightly scratching stimulates skin which feels good, the skin is damaged so it needs to regrow, the process of healing and regrowing creates more itching, it's scratched more, it re-heals causing itching, then is scratched again, eventually the skin hardens and it takes harder scratching for the same amount of stimulation, so it's scratched harder, eventually to the point where hairs cannot stand the scratching.
I keep finding/making up reasons on the fly for why I should allow myself to scratch. Sometimes it's because "maybe it will be different this time?" I'm actually pulling out hair follicles that for some reason, perhaps because their roots remind me of pimples seem to be bad, and thus GOOD to be pulled out. I'm probably wrong with my conception that those little knobs on the end of hairs are bad for any reason... I shouldn't rule out the environmental factor, possibilities in food consumption or natural surroundings not agreeing with my particular body makeup- or hair follicle make-up to be more precise.
The one thing which is most hard, but most necessary to not even consider stopping my trichotillomania is public opinion. I shouldn't let what others think of my "looks" determine how I look.
I've begun pulling hair out in other places as a test. While I've developed those places to a point where the hair is easier to pull out, it still hurts and at its best never feels good - it doesn't even itch. So perhaps the re-healing/perpetuation theory is out... It's still slightly up in the air.
I know I don't have lice, unfortunately I wasn't lucky enough for it to be something so easily identifiable as this. I've been scratching my head on and off for years and have even shaved my hair within less than a quarter inch to my scalp. There's no flakyness, so I'm not even sure if it's dandruff. Even when shaved though, my scalp still itches. It feels so good to scratch it and that usually ends up being my final justification to allow myself to do it... It's like scratching a mosquito bite... Something which I've prided myself on having self-control over by not scratching... I've prided myself on self-control a lot. Perhaps this is my punishment... Perhaps since I believe I should be punished this is a psychologically self fulfilling prophecy. That would suck. There's so many things it could be. I know what I really need to do (but for what reason?) is to just stop scratching. All of the other mumbo jumbo doesn't matter... But what is my motivation!
It's possible that UV rays may be causing the itching, at least that's one of the things I assumed from this article. I used to have psoriasis when I was younger, but I stopped giving it attention and tried willing it away. I'm not sure if that's why it's gone, but it's gone now. Modern science would suggest that's crazy, but modern science doesn't integrate will power into their calculations far too often. Will power is often an absolute deciding factor in some situations. I'm just curious what will happen if I continue to scratch my head? Will the ultimate lesson be that I should have stopped myself when I thought it might be the right thing to do earlier? Or will the ultimate lesson be I've evolved past the necessity of hair? Hahaha. Who the hell knows? I'm pulling my hair out over this question! :D lol, that's right... laugh... it's not that serious anyways. well, at least not for me since i seek spiritual peace and know that my body will never be as i want it, unless i want it as it is.
I've also thought that perhaps slight scratching of the head, so long as it's greatly controlled and moderated may be good for my hair, since it may stimulate growth.
Who knew I could go on so long about hair? I'm surprising myself right now.
Since global temperature has been rising, and evolutionarily speaking, the hair of my race (white) has been formed to keep warm, the hair is becoming less necessary, perhaps even obtrusive, potentially causing overheating and the scratching of the head is induced by an adaption to environmental changes.
Perhaps I am getting too little or too much UV exposure? Perhaps I need more direct exposure or less? Hahaha. So many things it could be and it could be more than one or even none! Should I shun this for lack of fun? I think I should stop pulling my hair and without pun this matter is done!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Doing Wrong To Me
I want you to know that though you've done wrong to me, I forgive you and even if you do wrong to me again, I'll forgive you again... So this way you don't have to worry and I don't kid myself into thinking I wouldn't forgive you the next time too. It's been so many times and still I don't know if you just don't care or if you just don't realize.
Times do however come when I must and have stood for what is right, my family and friends (none of which are left out, even you who may hate me). I also stand for forgiving morals which have been stretched to accompany even the strangest human customs to attend to the basic human needs of everyone. Though I try to be more forgiving than the most nimble twig, there does come a point where I must choose between snapping back or being broken and I will try not to snap back as hard as the force that pushed me so far. If I do snap back so hard, I hope that you will forgive me and tell me I have went to far to ensure I know of my mistakes.
Times do however come when I must and have stood for what is right, my family and friends (none of which are left out, even you who may hate me). I also stand for forgiving morals which have been stretched to accompany even the strangest human customs to attend to the basic human needs of everyone. Though I try to be more forgiving than the most nimble twig, there does come a point where I must choose between snapping back or being broken and I will try not to snap back as hard as the force that pushed me so far. If I do snap back so hard, I hope that you will forgive me and tell me I have went to far to ensure I know of my mistakes.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Righteousness
YOUR LAW HAS BECOME CORRUPT! I WILL NOT TAKE IT INTO MY HANDS!! I WILL TAKE RIGHTEOUSNESS INTO MY FISTS!!!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
User Friends
Many of us have had friends out there that are "users." They just use their friends for money, car rides, drugs, and attention just to name a few.
As we gain wisdom, those people become easy to point out. However, there are some of us, probably many of us who have had friends who have hit rock bottom before, at least from our friends perspective. We've helped those friends many times.
Eventually, it gets to a point where those "friends" are constantly hitting rock bottom, every time we help them up, they fall down again, dragging us, our family and friends with them just a little bit each time, some times a lot in just one time.
I've realized that not only is it hurtful to us, the helpers, it's also hurtful to those we help, because they fall a little bit further each time, knowing that they don't have to rely only on themselves to pull themselves back up.
In my opinion, feeling guilty for not helping friends that I've tried to help before is wrong. I'm not letting my drug addict friends drag me and my family down with them, especially after I've tried helping multiple times. Because they take advantage of our kindness, I believe that makes them the worst kind of person and the least deserving friend, even if they can't control themselves because of drugs. I don't believe that "can't control myself because of drugs" crap. I do believe "I don't want to control myself because I enjoy the drugs too much" crap though. Anyone who says they "can't" can go suck an onion.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Writing Off Topic
In response to this...
So anyway, I was on this buss right, and in the dream, I leaped from it and jumped on top of a train station, from there… I began flying… Then I woke up…
Oh sorry… That whole writing “off topic” thing probably doesn’t apply for comments does it?
I do that too though… I actually started MANY blogs which are hard to keep track of and updated so I wouldn’t be writing off topic. Now my topics are becoming more general so it’s kind of hard to actually write off topic… So I can write more on one blog and stop spreading my brain juice in places on the internet that don’t need it, even though the internet would probably stop working without my brain juice, because it’s just so sweet. T’would be as a bee hive without honey! T’would be most disastrous! That’s why I save my boogers. Not for me, but for the world!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
INTP I am
Being an INTP personality type, as the test I have taken has told me I am (literally, it spoke to me, called me names, just joking!), I am going to have to use my intuition in mentioning my name here, as it will be useful for people finding this this article.
David Rader II personality type
Introverted (I) 51.28% Extroverted (E) 48.72%
Intuitive (N) 70.37% Sensing (S) 29.63%
Thinking (T) 62.16% Feeling (F) 37.84%
Perceiving (P) 57.14% Judging (J) 42.86%
You can find out your for MBTI personality type (Byers Briggs Type Indicator) free too by answering the questions on this page: http://similarminds.com/jung.html
Other explanations of an INTP:Edit:
From what I've read on Similar Minds (elsewhere, and assumed), it's good to take multiple tests to find a more accurate result. So, I took a second test at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp and received my personality type as "INTJ."
| Introverted | Intuitive | >Thinking | Judging |
| 44 | 100 | 12 | 33 |
* moderately expressed introvert
* very expressed intuitive personality
* slightly expressed thinking personality
* moderately expressed judging personality
Other explanations of INTJ:
- Portrait of an INTJ
- The Portait of the Mastermind (INTJ)
- Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
- INTJ - The Free Thinker
- Suitable Job Types
While I would say I'm discerning, I wouldn't consider myself a judgmental person. I can tell the difference between two things very well, but I am very slow to judge because as far as what is ultimately good or bad (as judging implies to judge the rightness or wrongness of something "definitively"), I am not sure I know the ultimate truth of whether specific things are ultimately good or bad.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Lots of Pics - And Getting Paid Too!
I signed up on shareapic.net a while back... It's great for hosting images free, and you also get paid for it! Here are some of my images on there:
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