A Realization Today

Today I realized something.

Not only have I mentally choreographed nearly every physical step I've taken in the past few years, but I often think a few sentences ahead in every conversation, predicting others actions and reactions and having the sentence or statement to say next... Pre-planned, like chess, but with the goal to have every conversation to contain enlightenment for as many parties as possible (including myself) in both present and future tenses, and to have a beyond peaceful end... blissful, promoting peace in future conversations as well. It drains me... I still try. Sometimes I want silence. Sometimes I want simplicity... There may be nothing more complex than language... No wonder conversing with the strategy of chess (planning out multiple scenarios) for a goal of peace is so hard...

For the past (guesstimation of) 2 hours, most if not all of my breathing has been conscious. Sleep forgives my recognition of breath.