Friday, January 11, 2008

User Friends

Many of us have had friends out there that are "users." They just use their friends for money, car rides, drugs, and attention just to name a few.

As we gain wisdom, those people become easy to point out. However, there are some of us, probably many of us who have had friends who have hit rock bottom before, at least from our friends perspective. We've helped those friends many times.

Eventually, it gets to a point where those "friends" are constantly hitting rock bottom, every time we help them up, they fall down again, dragging us, our family and friends with them just a little bit each time, some times a lot in just one time.

I've realized that not only is it hurtful to us, the helpers, it's also hurtful to those we help, because they fall a little bit further each time, knowing that they don't have to rely only on themselves to pull themselves back up.

In my opinion, feeling guilty for not helping friends that I've tried to help before is wrong. I'm not letting my drug addict friends drag me and my family down with them, especially after I've tried helping multiple times. Because they take advantage of our kindness, I believe that makes them the worst kind of person and the least deserving friend, even if they can't control themselves because of drugs. I don't believe that "can't control myself because of drugs" crap. I do believe "I don't want to control myself because I enjoy the drugs too much" crap though. Anyone who says they "can't" can go suck an onion.


Anonymous said...

No such thing as 'real' friends these days, only 'associates' who'll try and get in touch with you only when they need something. Vast majority are hypocritical abusers who just use others yet surprisingly they're the most popular people. Great world, eh?

Secret Seer said...

There are some friends who are friends back to you as well. I think to some degree, we all use each other- just some more than others and some in different ways than others.

I had a less wealthy friend and a more wealthy friend. The more wealthy friend paid for almost everything for this less wealthy friend, but this less wealthy friend was seen as "entertainment" by the more wealthy friend. So basically, one friend paid for the entertainment of another friend... Eventually I think the entertainment was over used so the friendship slowed down, but both seemed to have a good time each time and still considered each other friends afterwords.

Sometimes friends don't even realize they're using other friends... I think it happens most with materialistic people though, who are blinded by a thirst for "things." Most of society is either like or appears to be going in that direction unfortunately. Maybe we will be strong enough to change that.

Whatever happens, just know that there are "real" friends out there. What you consider a friend may mature and become something different, but that doesn't mean a bond of friendship can't be equally as important in your life.

Now that I'm married with child, I don't hang out with my friends as much any more and they have much less influence in my life, but I still value the short occasions we have. No matter how much time a friend can spend with me, I still value them as a friend- whether I've talk to them once a year or once a week. I'm not going to let time destroy the bonds so easily.

Anonymous said...

I found this post interesting as a friend of mine tried to use me for their own gain last night. It hurts and I am sorry that my friend couldn't just be honest, but they weren't honest because they knew they were trying to use me, which just disappoints me more. I hope I find other truer friends that will be honest about their needs. Needless to say I am lowering my expectations and time in friendship with this person.

Anonymous said...

I had a friend for years. Than we just quit talking. I got tired of paying for him mentally and physically. Out of know where he txting me and is asking for all these favors. I asked him what the deal was, why he was asking me for favors after 2-years of not communicating on a friend basis. I was confused that he was that stupid.He flipped flopped my question. So I told him to erase my number.

Anonymous said...

U know u have been used when someone borrows money then ignores u for 3weeks.